If you find yourself living in a lesser story, how do you begin to let God rewrite your story? You follow Him. You follow His lead. And that path may sometimes be very clear, and other times it may feel very mysterious. But following Him wholeheartedly, regardless of what we may or may not understand as we go along, is the only way to allow God to write your story. Instead of taking the reigns, embrace God’s direction—join Him, get on board and embrace everywhere His story just may take you.
Session Three Parent Cue:
• What holds you back from trusting God completely?
• What would it take for you to surrender that reluctance?
• How might your life become a bigger story than the one you live now?
Most of us are unaware of the stories we write every day. We go through life and make the decisions we need to make and do the things we need to do to get through the day and care for our families. But whether we realize it or not, we choose who we interact with and what role we play in other people’s lives. In other words, we choose how we play a part in other people’s stories in both our words and our actions.
And sometimes it’s easy to simply bow out, to feel like we no longer have a role in someone’s life—especially in the life of a teen. But here is one man’s story about how his dad found a way to take a new supporting role in his life, even if it meant intentionally choosing to be a part of it in a way he may never have imagined doing.
When I was growing up, I always remember how sports played a big role in the family. My dad had grown up playing High School baseball and football and my brother, who is eight years older, kind of followed in his footsteps. My brother did it all. Football. Baseball. Track. Soccer. He was a pretty good all-around athlete.
Growing up, I always watched my dad attend my brother’s various sports competitions, and, if he got the chance, he would always end up being an assistant coach or head coach of the team my brother was playing on. Which was cool. Looking back, I see how that gave my brother and my dad some time to bond and something to talk about. Something to be guys about.
Now, having my brother as my hero, I tried following in his footsteps. I mean, I really do love sports. I’m a fanatic about football. My dad was pretty jazzed to have me go out for various sports teams and when I made them, it was an instant bonding moment. I’m not a complete klutz or anything. I was somewhat athletically gifted. Dad was always more than happy to go in the backyard and throw the ball around and work on mechanics and fundamentals. It was great. We connected like he and my brother did. But, then something happened.
As much as I love sports, I found myself drifting toward another extracurricular activity in Middle and High School.
Theatre.
I loved it. I loved acting. I loved telling stories, and anybody who knew me then knew I loved to talk. So, theatre just became a place where I excelled.
But it was a place my dad knew very little about.
I don’t know what my dad ever thought about my being involved in theatre when I first started. He’s not a judgmental man or someone who throws around stereotypes or anything, but it just wasn’t something he grew up with and . . . it wasn’t a competitive sport.
It was . . . the arts.
But my father, a man whom I love deeply and who I know loves me very much, did something that, at the time, I probably didn’t realize the full impact of. Something that, now that I am a father myself, I hope I can be for my children.
See, once I stepped into the theatrical world, my dad didn’t stop being involved with me, my life or what I loved. And he very easily could have. I mean, theatre is a far cry from the sporting world. But, instead, he decided to do whatever it took to be involved in my life. Now, he didn’t go out and start taking theatre classes or start wearing tights around the house (thank goodness—how you’d explain that to friends and neighbors, I’d never know), BUT he chose to connect with me, bond with me . . . through what I liked to do.
My dad and a couple of other dads got together and formed a group that helped build the sets for various productions I was in. They called themselves THE CREW. They had T-shirts and everything made up. They even stamped the bottom of every set piece they made with their logo. It was hysterical. And he never missed a performance. I could always hear him laugh in the audience, too. I would quietly beam in the wings when I heard him out there.
And now that I look back on that time, I think how lucky I am. I had a dad who, despite not having ever been involved with theatre in his life, took what skills he had and used them to stay connected with me, his son. Where some fathers might have been bent out of shape because their sons chose to pursue something a little out of the norm, my dad jumped in with two feet and was always there to let me know he supported me and that he would do anything he could to help me excel at whatever I wanted to do.
I hope to be like that with my kids. I hope my dreams for my children never trump my children’s dreams. I hope that I will have the insight my father had in choosing to help me become who God was shaping me to be instead of trying to make me into who my dad wanted me to be.
My dad is a hero in my eyes. A role model. Just an awesome dad.
It’s his constant pursuit for a relationship with me, in whatever I did, that is a constant reminder of how God, my Heavenly Father, pursues me. It’s my dad’s ability to cheer for me, even when it wasn’t from a stadium bleacher, that is a reminder of how God is with me in any situation. Cheering me. Laughing the loudest from the audience.
I like sports, I do. I like theatre more. But I love my dad, and I know, without a doubt, my dad has always and will always love me.
What role will you play in your child’s life? His story, her story, is one you still have a part to play. But it just may be that have to write yourself into their story in a way that is different than you would expect. It may not be the way you planned, or a way that feels natural to you. But it may just be the way they need, and something they will never forget.
© 2010 The reThink Group, Inc. Used with permission.
So if we all long for God’s story, then how do we settle for so much less? How does our story get so off track? It happens subtly. Oftentimes, without ever realizing it, the focus of our story shifts—God is moved from a place of prominence, to a place of convenience. But stay this way for long, and it is easy to see a story that has gotten off track. Small changes, seemingly harmless, can take our story to a place it doesn’t belong. Sometimes we think the story is better left in our own hands. But what if we allowed God the control, the freedom and the power He deserves? What if we allowed Him to tell the story? Where would His story take you?
Session Two Parent Cue:
• (This question is for the parent to answer.) Have you ever found yourself in a place in your life where you wondered, “How did I get here?” If you retraced your steps, what were the decisions you made that led you there?
• Each one of you take a decision in your life (whether good or bad) and track the steps that led you to the end result.
Here is an overview of the current series as well as summaries of each week’s discussions. Listed below each summary is a “parent cue” to help you dialog with your child about each week’s session of this series. The questions are intended not just to be asked by you, but to be responded to by BOTH of you. Use this opportunity to find out what God is teaching your child, and allow your child to see what God is teaching you as well.
We are all drawn to great stories—whether that’s on the big screen, small screen, in a book or elsewhere. But we may be completely unaware of one simple truth—that our lives are a story as well. The decisions we make every day are shaping the plot. The things we do, believe and trust determine what is being written. And for many of us, the story we are scripting could be so much more if we let God write, or even rewrite, our story. It’s the story we long for, the one our hearts truly desire.
Whether you’re a thrill-seeker or someone who minimizes risks, we all long for a great story. A great romance. A great adventure. A great mystery. And it could be that the reason we yearn for something so big is because God made us that way. Believe it or not, a big story is unfolding around us, a story God is telling that started long before us and will continue to unfold long after we are gone. The things that draw us, that captivate us, that pull us in are the things that make God’s story great. The question is, are we a part of that story? Are we telling His story? In other words, are our lives reflecting something bigger?
• What are some of your favorite stories (in movies, books, etc.)? What specifically about those stories do you love?
• Read Ecclesiastes 3:11. Do you ever wish your life was “more” than what it is now? If yes, why?
So you decided to fight, to stay in your relationship with God even though you’re feeling not that into Him. And for some of you, you’ve already seen a big change. There’s a new connection. There’s excitement. But for others, you’re fighting and nothing’s happening. You’re working, but you’re not getting anything in return. So what’s the problem? It may be that “me” is getting in the way, that your focus is on you. And in the process, you have made God very small, boring and predictable—a God you think you know, but One who is actually so much bigger than us.
Session Three Parent Cue: What are some things you’ve learned about God in your relationship with Him? Search online for “names of God” and go through the list and identify specific ways you’ve “experienced” those names. For example, one of the names of God means “provider.” How have you seen God provide in your life?
Here is an overview of what we’re talking about. Listed below the summary is a “parent cue” to help you dialog with your child about the session. The question is intended not just to be asked by you, but to be responded to by BOTH of you. Use this opportunity to find out what God is teaching your child, and allow your child to see what God is teaching you as well.
Every one of us has experienced it at some point. At one time, we were really into a relationship—whether that’s a friendship or a dating relationship—and now, well, not so much. We’re just not that into it anymore. So we walk away or we let the relationship die. But what happens when that relationship you’re not that into anymore is the one you have with God? You were really into Him at one point. You were feeling connected, directed, close. Now it feels like nothing. How do you deal with it?
There is a natural ebb and flow to our relationships, isn’t there? There are times when we feel really close to someone, and times when we don’t. The reasons vary, but there are times when we’re just not feeling that into a relationship. It’s true of our friendships and other relationships, but what happens when it happens in our relationship with God? And when it does, why is it so difficult to admit it?
Session One Parent Cue: Describe a time when you felt really close to God. Now, describe a time when you felt really distant from Him.
When you’re not that into a relationship, you have a choice—to stay or to go. God has made it very clear in the Bible that He’s not going anywhere. He’s in. But we’re the ones who struggle with the choice, and that struggle sometimes involves fighting our own feelings and perceptions. It’s a fight that we have to be willing to take on, and a decision each of us has to make. And while it may feel like it, it’s not one-sided, God isn’t going anywhere. So are you going to fight your own tendencies to pull away? Are you going to fight for your relationship with God?
Session Two Parent Cue: Have you ever been tempted to walk away from God? What made you come back to Him . . . or walk away?
By Reggie Joiner
A few years ago my daughter Hannah, who was 20 at the time, moved out of my home. She moved into a house with a few other girls. It was one of those things I knew was coming, but I just didn’t know it was going to happen as fast as it did. She had been talking about it for a while, but one afternoon when I got home, everything was gone—well, the things she wanted to take were gone. She left the things she didn’t want.
I remember looking around and, as a dad, it was kind of a sad moment. I remember thinking this may be it. She may never be back in my house again. She may never move back. It created a little controversy in our house when it happened. One of the issues was with her eighteen-year-old sister who came to me very upset. At first, I thought she was upset because Hannah had moved. But I quickly found out that it had nothing to do with Hannah—all the curling irons in the house were gone.
I started looking around at the things Hannah had taken and the things she had left. Do you know what determined what she left and what she took? Simple. She took the things that were important to her and left the things that weren’t. Trust me, when I figured that out, I really started looking around—I wanted to make sure she took a picture of the family and me! But the bottom line was, what mattered to her was gone—with her—and what didn’t matter was left behind.
I had to keep telling myself, “Okay, she is twenty, she is on her own, she is in a house”. And as I went over it again and again in my head, late one night, I took out my notebook and I started writing. She was out of my house and doing her own thing. She was an adult and she was moving forward. So how do I pray for her how? I wrote down five things. And these are the five things I want to pray for all of my children. These are five things I want for all my children’s lives. But that night I prayed this for Hannah:
1) That she will keep moving in a direction towards God. That is the end goal. At the end of it all, I just want to make sure that whatever happens in her life, she just keeps moving in a direction towards God.
2) That she will have an ongoing relationship with God’s Truth—that the value of Scripture and the value of God’s Truth will not dim in her life. I want the message to ring so loud and clear in the hearts of my children that they never get away from the power of God’s truth in their lives.
3) That she will have the right people in her life to challenge her and inspire her. This makes me nervous. This is what keeps me up at night. Besides her mom and me, I just want to make sure there are other adults, other friends, other people who will continue to challenge her and inspire her in her walk and her faith, because I know how important that is. That is community.
4) That we will still be friends. When it is said and done, isn’t that what every parent wants? Let’s be honest. Isn’t your dream that when your children grow up and move away that you are still good friends and still in relationship with them? Absolutely. I still want to have a degree of influence in her life. I still want to be her friend. I still want her to be friends with her mom, friends with her sisters and brother. I still want all that to stay in tact. I want that to be a value in her life that she never gets away from. From her graduation from college, to her wedding day, to when she has kids—I want all of that to be intact and all of that to be right. That is family.
I wrote down one other thing that I pray for.
5) That she will never get away from her sense of mission to be the church. I want her to know that she is wired, that she is created, that God designed her to be the church. I pray that her influence in whatever circle she lives in will be the kind of influence that God has designed her to have. I don’t want her faith to be tied to a place where she goes. Rather, I want her faith to pour into every area of life and every person she encounters. I pray that her significance will come not from what she is doing but from the fact that she knows she is doing the thing God called her to do, and that sense of purpose will always be a part of her life.
Those are five things I want to be really true of her life, and true of the lives of all my children. This, for me, is the essence of what a life needs to become, it’s what I want to move my children towards. And it’s not only how I pray, but the grid through which I process my actions and words to make these things a reality in her life.
These five things may not be a tangible object that Hannah or any of my other kids can pick up and pack up, but they are the things I want them to take with them—no matter how close or far from home they live.
Reggie Joiner is the founder and CEO of The reThink Group, and the author of Think Orange.
© 2010 Orange. All rights reserved.
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Disciple Now is a weekend retreat in homes around Mechanicsville. It’s a great place for your student to get to know Christ, other students, and some great leaders. It’s also one of our most fun events. From the time your student arrives at their host home to the time they leave Sunday after the second service they’ll be surrounded by caring adults, loud music, fun activities, and great teaching.
About Live Love
This year’s theme is Live Love. Christ said His followers should be known for their love. Drawing from the writings of John, the beloved disciple, LIVE LOVE focuses on the heart of life as part of God’s family. What are your students living for? Love changes everything.
Leaders
This year our worship leader, speaker and host home leaders will be from Bluefield College’s Impact Teams. These amazing students work through the BCM to provide support for Disciple Now’s all around Virginia.
Host Homes
Your student will spend the majority of their time at their host homes. On Friday, please go straight to the host homes at 6:30 PM. Call 779-2700 for host home info.
Session Three (12/18/11)
It’s the easiest thing in the world to do, and that’s probably why so many of us are guilty of doing it. God gives us something–a talent, a provision, a relationship–we take it, make big plans for it, then somehow forget all about Him. In the act of serving God, sometimes we completely miss Him. Sometimes our big God becomes very small in our lives. Perhaps that’s why God chose Mary, someone who was very aware of what little she had to offer, to provide the gift that the world so desperately needed. Mary is remembered not only for what she did, but for why she did it–simply to honor God’s request.
Session Three Parent Cue: Have you ever had a moment when you felt like God asked you to do something specific? How did you respond?
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