Session 3: Switch (4/8/12)
“Who do you say I am?” This is the question Jesus asked His disciples centuries ago, and it is the same one He asks us today. When we answer Him, when we decide to trade what we know for what we don’t and to trade judgment for love, we are making a decision to also trade in our old lives for new ones. We are trading our “talk” for our “do.” We are choosing to put our faith into action. This may mean something different for each of us. But when we answer Jesus’ question, “Who do you say I am?” we are making a statement with our mouths and with our lives. We are accepting His offer to trade in something good for something better.
Session 3 Parent Cue: Who is Jesus to you—what does He mean to your life? Would you be willing to trade something you think is best for something Jesus says is better? If so, what is it? What would you need to overcome to do that?
Create a culture of unconditional love in your home to fuel the emotional and moral health of your teen.
THE LENT CONSPIRACY
By Tim Walker
Regardless of the type of church, Easter is a big deal to Christians. In fact, it’s the bookend to Christmas. The Part 2. The continuation of the story. The sequel that builds on the original in a bigger and more amazing way.
And however your church celebrates Easter, there is one thing that seems to come across in many churches: It’s more than just a typical Sunday.
But in some faith traditions, remembering Easter actually begins weeks before. In the weeks leading up to Easter, many followers of Christ throughout history have observed a tradition called Lent where they give something up—fast from something—for 40 days as a way of focusing on the season.
Maybe you’ve known someone who “gave up” something for Lent. For 40 days, that person made a choice not to eat or do something that would be part of his or her normal routine. It could have been chocolate or red meat. Maybe it was Facebook.
And for most people who observe Lent, it’s simply that, giving something up.
But what if we reframed it. Shifted it. Remixed it.
What if instead of designating something to give up, you decided to trade in?
In fact, what if your trade meant that you were able to focus on something Jesus focused on—other people? What if it meant you were more intentional about the time you spend together as a family?
Regardless of whether Lent is something you’ve ever practiced before, or whether this is the first time you’ve ever heard of it, you can reframe Lent so that instead of taking something away, you’re trading one thing in for something better.
As a parent, what if, during the next 40 days, you took some moments and made a trade?
What if you traded in your phones for a movie night?
What if you traded in Facebook for shooting some hoops?
What if you traded in TV time for family time?
What if you traded in lunches out at work for dinner out with the family?
What if you gave up something to gain something with your child?
And what if you got your teen to do the same?
What if, together, you both came up with some index cards listing things you would be willing to set aside for a while in order to gain some relational time together?
It might mean leaving your cell phone at home.
It might mean spending some money to do something and giving up something else to compensate.
It might mean getting a little less “me” time.
Sit down together. Grab some index cards. And write down some things you would be willing to give up for a while. Then take your cards and use them as coupons to cash in on time together.
Maybe your card says “Farmville” because, well, you’re obsessed with it. You have crops to tend. Things to exchange. Whatever you Farmville people do. But you give your daughter your index card and say, “I’m giving up Farmville Thursday night so we can hang out. Let’s make a plan.”
Or maybe your son comes to you and says, “I’m giving up the Xbox tonight so we can watch a movie together.”
But you come up with the list. Choose something that might not be easy. Choose something that you default to all the time—whether it’s your smartphone, the gym, whatever. You know what it is.
Then encourage your son or daughter to do the same.
Then over the next 40 days, trade that in for time together.
Time just hanging out. Having fun. Talking. Doing. Living.
Trade the escapes, the substitutes, the distractions in your life for the relationships in your life. Make a beautiful trade—one thing for something better.
What comes to mind when you start hearing these ideas? What’s something that might be distracting you from building your relationship with your child?
© 2010 Orange. All rights reserved.
Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org.
Swap (April 1)
“That group of people is too weird. I don’t hang out with those types of people—or they don’t hang out with me.” Most of us have said or thought things like this before—or heard them said about us. We categorize people based on superficial things, and then we judge them, write them off. But when we do, we miss out on something beautiful. We miss out on the opportunity to live out the message Jesus came to proclaim. We give up the chance to trade judgment for love. And that’s not just about following a set of standards or rules. It’s about understanding that every person, including you, is valuable and worthy and has something to offer.
Session 2 Parent Cue: How do you see groups in your world including some and excluding others? How can you reach out to those who are excluded to show them that they are loved by Jesus just as much as anyone else?
WHAT WE’RE TALKING ABOUT:
Here is an overview of what we’re talking about. Listed below the summary is a parent cue to help you dialog with your child about the session. The question is intended not just to be asked by you, but to be responded to by BOTH of you. Use this opportunity to find out what God is teaching your child, and allow your child to see what God is teaching you as well.
The Beautiful Trade:
Series Overview
The book of Mark is the shortest of the four Gospels, but it’s packed with one central message—that Jesus wants us to trade up. He wants us to trade what we know, what we think and how we see others for something better. It’s a beautiful trade, because not only do we exchange something for something different, we exchange our lives and our perspectives for something better. It’s a message that’s at the heart of the Easter story, but it’s shown through Jesus’ interactions long before the crucifixion and resurrection.
Session 1: Exchange (3/25/12)
Have you ever had to do research for a class paper? Sometimes you start out with your topic thinking that you know exactly what you are going to write about. But then, after you start reading some books and digging into the research, you realize that you actually know very little about the topic and have to start from scratch and just learn. You have to trade what you think you know for what you don’t. And it’s the same when it comes to following Jesus. Sometimes we have to trade what we think we know—about Jesus, about what is best for us, about what we think about others—in order to fully participate with God in what we don’t know.
Session 1 Parent Cue: How is it easier for you to make Jesus an addition to your life rather than to trust Him in every area of your life?
Session Three: Wide-Angle (3/18/12)
No matter where you go or what you do with your life, your family will always be a part of it. Whether it’s through past memories or current gatherings, your family and how you relate to each other will affect you. While you will be independent and able to make your own decisions someday, your family will always play some sort of role in your life. The seeds you sow now for harmony, understanding and wholeness can go a long way towards the future growth of healthy family relationships.
Session Three Parent Cue: (For parent) What type of seeds did you sow in your relationship with your parents that may affect how you relate to them now? What do you wish you would have done differently? What were you glad you did?
Session Two: Resolution (3/11/12)
A verbal shot is fired and our gut tells us to fire back. That word, that attitude from someone else hurt us or made us mad, so we want to give some of that back. Been there? How often do we quickly react to something a sibling or parent does or says in a way that raises the level of tension and anger instead of diffusing it? But there is another option! We can choose to stop the madness and think through our words and actions. We can begin to see more clearly that when something provokes us, we have a choice to make before we respond. We can be part of the resolution instead of part of the problem.
Session Two Parent Cue: Take a recent argument or “loud discussion” you had. Write down what prompted the conversation, then write down each of your responses. Now backtrack and each of you identify the decisions you made that prompted your responses. Maybe you reacted to how something was said, or one word set you off. Maybe you responded out of fear of what could happen.
This year Spring Retreat is at Watermarks, a fantastic camp in Scottsville, VA right on the James River. Spring Retreat can be summed up in three directions. Up: Up is fantastic worship that focuses our attention on God. Down: Down is great teaching from Gary Permenter that bring God’s word down to our level. Out: Out is moving out of our group of friends to meet and get to know other students.
Our identity determines how we live our lives. We have our own opinion of ourselves. Others have opinions of us. Ultimately, God’s opinion of us matters the most. At Spring Retreat we’ll discover what God really thinks about us. It may just surprise you! We will discover that we are His masterpiece. We are free. We are blessed. We are chosen. We are included. So often, we don’t see ourselves as God sees us. This series will paint a vibrant picture of the importance of finding our identity in Christ.
By Sarah Anderson
I am not a perfectionist. One look in my closet, will tell you this is true. My husband isn’t either—except when it comes to cooking. He is a perfectionist with his food. I lucked out on this one. But for me, I am not sure there is something that I do that would categorize me as a perfectionist. At least this is what I thought until I had my son. Once he catapulted into my world, my perfectionist tendencies rose to the surface. It turns out I have some of it in me. And it shows itself in the way I parent.
I want to be perfect. Can you relate? I want to be the best mom—not just the best mom for Asher, but the best mom ever. I want to parent in a way that everyone around watches in wonder. I want the impossible dream—for Asher and for myself. And I want it because somewhere along the way I started to believe that perfection was what Asher needed from me. I started to think that if I only gave it all I had, if I only went above and beyond, if I only exceeded every expectation ever placed on me and every hope, voiced or not, then, I would be a success.
Maybe this story is something like your own. Maybe the day your little bundle of joy was placed in your arms you suddenly had the impression that you had to muster up every ounce of effort you could to be all this baby hoped you could be. And maybe you have spent every day since trying to live up to the expectations which you, and you think your child, have put on yourself. And I have to wonder, since I am still so early on in the journey myself, and you are a bit further along, how is it working for you? Because, in all honesty, it isn’t working out that well for me.
Perfection is hard. Perfection is exhausting. Perfection is a siren song that lures the most reasonable of people into the belief that it is attainable. But, I don’t think I am stepping out on a limb here when I confess, it hasn’t exactly gone as I planned. I am not a perfect parent. In fact, I am far from it—embarrassingly far from it. And I am afraid any near confession of this is an admittance of failure—failure in a role that is “supposed” to come so easily, so naturally, so effortlessly—a role that more times than I like to admit, is simply none of those things—not easy, not natural, and not effortless.
And on the nights when I am hardest on myself, I lay my head on my pillow and think Asher just may be ruined forever. Until I remember . . . five months after my son was born, my mom came to visit. And while visiting, in a conversation I don’t remember starting, and I can’t recall ending, my mom said this to me: “If I had the chance to do it all over again, if I had the chance to parent all over again, I would, and I would do it differently this time.” It was a confession—transparent and raw in its honesty. And in that one line, I can remember feeling a release from the pressure and the burden perfection can put on us as parents.
See, I knew (as our children know of us) that my parents were not perfect. And I also knew that to demand perfection from them, even if it was something I subconsciously did, was not what I really needed or craved from them. Perfection is neither what I required or desired as a kid. What I wanted, what I yearned for, I got in the confession from my mom, after I myself had passed through the one-way only doors of parenthood. What I longed for I got in a succinct and truthful line that told me that my mom knew she hadn’t done it perfectly. But she did what she could. And this rare glimpse into her heart told me all I needed to know. My mom and I, my mom and her daughter, are not all that different. We are human. We are broken. We are fumbling through life the best we know how, and it is in our sameness that we find what we need. Honesty. Transparency. Vulnerability. And as a result the bond between us is stronger than ever before.
And so the moral of the story is maybe not exactly what we thought. The moral is our kids may need less perfection from us and more honesty. They need less of a guise appearing to have it all together and more candor, more sincerity—anything that communicates to them we may have more things in common with one another than not. And this is a beautiful thing to have between parent and child—a shared experience, a shared openness, a shared understanding that we don’t have it all together, as much as we would like to think we do.
I understood, in hearing my mom’s confession, that what kids may need from their parents is not very complicated. It will cost us something—our pride, our image of faultlessness. But here is the thing—I think it is a worthy penance for what we get in return. I am willing to give up the quest for perfection, because the journey towards humility and transparency offers more to my son than excellence ever could. SO from now on, instead of being “a wonder parent,” I think I will work more on being an available parent. A sincere parent. A candid parent. It means I will say I am sorry. It means I will admit my faults. It means I will confess when I get it wrong and request grace when I need it.
Some day, decades from now, when Asher himself becomes a parent, I know there will be moments I will look back on and wish I had done differently. I know there will be regrets. And that’s okay. The point is to confess the regrets when they come up. Admit them. Own them. Allow my imperfection to be seen through them. And hope that my honesty in those moments will build and strengthen the bond between my son and me.
© 2011 Orange. All rights reserved.
Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.com.
WHAT WE’RE TALKING ABOUT:
Here is an overview of what we’re talking about. Listed below the summary is a parent cue to help you dialog with your child about the session. The question is intended not just to be asked by you, but to be responded to by BOTH of you. Use this opportunity to find out what God is teaching your child, and allow your child to see what God is teaching you as well.
Series Overview
You’ve seen their shiny, happy faces staring at you from picture frames, magazine ads and commercials. They are the perfect family. Every tooth sparkles. Every face beams with joy. And they seem to have everything you don’t. But the reality is, well they aren’t real. In fact it’s an illusion. There’s no such thing as a picture perfect family. Families are made up of imperfect people—people like you and me. So how do we live and interact with the family God has placed us in? How do we find a way to be a part of it, instead of just surviving and living for the day when we move on? Because no family is perfect. And no person is either.
Session One: Snapshot (3/4/12)
Does it ever feel like there are families who are more “perfect” than yours? They dress better. Have a nicer house. Never seem to have a disagreement of any kind. But when we see these families, we’re not seeing the full picture; we’re simply seeing a snapshot. If we actually lived in that family and dealt with each person on a daily basis, we would probably realize that the perfect family is, well, a myth. The truth is that no family is perfect. We are all just human, and when we realize that we can live in the messiness of our families and learn to find the good, we begin to understand the purpose God has in placing us in our particular family.
Session One Parent Cue: Have you ever thought a family was “perfect,” only to find out how “normal” they were as you got to know them? Did you ever wish you were part of a different family growing up? Why?
If you find yourself living in a lesser story, how do you begin to let God rewrite your story? You follow Him. You follow His lead. And that path may sometimes be very clear, and other times it may feel very mysterious. But following Him wholeheartedly, regardless of what we may or may not understand as we go along, is the only way to allow God to write your story. Instead of taking the reigns, embrace God’s direction—join Him, get on board and embrace everywhere His story just may take you.
Session Three Parent Cue:
• What holds you back from trusting God completely?
• What would it take for you to surrender that reluctance?
• How might your life become a bigger story than the one you live now?
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